


to where the sun is brighter

by chatona



Series: spain 'verse [1]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-12
Updated: 2012-01-12
Packaged: 2017-10-29 09:53:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/318620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chatona/pseuds/chatona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he leaves her office – leaving Gibbs and his team and Jeanne behind, he feels like he can breathe easy for the first time again, breathe easy the way he hasn’t since the Plague and Kate’s death and Gibbs’ leaving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to where the sun is brighter

**Author's Note:**

> goes au during/after 4.03, spoilers for that and the preceding episodes. angst

When Gibbs blows up - literally, and Tony is still trying to forget the image of Gibbs in that hospital bed, looking fragile and broken and not like himself at all - they are all too close to falling apart. So Tony begins drinking too much coffee, wearing polo shirts under his suits and working too many hours, trying to solve the case and get the bad guys and hold the team together at the same time.

They tell him he isn’t Gibbs and that he should drop the act, but it’s the only way he knows how to lead them, how to stop them from getting lost in the search for grey hair and blue eyes and headsmacks otherwise.

So he stays at NCIS headquarters and gives order and delegates, because really, he doesn’t want to visit Gibbs in hospital again, anyway. A small part of him resents Gibbs for almost getting killed, for getting injured and for not waking up. Gibbs is supposed to be invincible; gruff and sarcastic and _there_.

And while Gibbs wakes up in time to solve the case, it doesn’t do much good. And then Gibbs quits.

***

Jeanne is all the things Jethro isn’t. Her eyes and her smile are warm when she looks at him and her body is soft, round curves and tender skin, as opposed to beard burn and gun callusses dragging over his skin and holding him down. She lets him take her out to dinner and to the movies and asks him if he wants to stay the night, curling up around him and letting him hold her till the early morning hours.

When she looks at him, he feels content. It’s muted and quiet compared to what he feels when he’s with Gibbs, the sudden rush of blood to the head and the yearning for something he can never have burning tight and hot in his stomach.

Jeanne loves him and she’s good for him.

Tony still wants Gibbs.

***

Gibbs is gone, with no recollection of all those times he fucked Tony and told him to get out afterwards, no memory of Tony at all, and Jeanne loves him.

Tony thinks about quitting, about running the way he did in Peoria and Philadelphia and Baltimore. He stays, though, and brings Abby her Caf-Pow, slaps McGee across the back of the head and corrects Ziva’s English and for a while, that works.

Then Gibbs comes back.

***

His first reaction when the Director offers him his own team in Spain is to laugh. It’s a bit like a punch in the got, only without the recoil, and how can she possibly think he’s doing a good job as a team leader when everyone constantly tells him he’s not Gibbs and not good enough?

He mulls the idea over in his head, gets distracted and gives Ziva orders when he should have waited for Gibbs and he can’t miss the looks McGee and Ziva exchange, so he pushes it all away to deal with later and concentrates on the case at first hand.

Tony thinks he’s doing okay. He can get used to working under Gibbs again. So what if people still call him instead of Gibbs? It doesn’t mean anything and he’ll remind them as often as he has to.

He’s alone with McGee and that’s fine, too, they did that a lot in the last weeks, a team leader and his senior field agent, only it’s not like that anymore and McGee looks him in the eye and tells him he doesn’t think Tony deserves his own team.

Tony thinks of Spain when he leaves the squad room.

***

They solve the case and save the girl and while Tony finishes his report, his mind is running in circles. Gibbs didn’t even bother to say goodbye when he left, all Tony got was a _You’ll do_. And they don’t need him, do they? Gibbs has his boat, Abby and McGee have each other and Ziva is too independent to need anybody.

So he goes to the Director, nervousness and fear curling low in his gut, and tells her he’ll take the position in Spain. When he leaves her office – leaving Gibbs and his team and Jeanne behind, he feels like he can breathe easy for the first time again, breathe easy the way he hasn’t since the Plague and Kate’s death and Gibbs’ leaving.

***

Tony leaves it to Jenny to inform Gibbs of his promotion. It’s the coward’s way out, but it was good enough for Gibbs and it’s not like the team is going to miss him like they missed Gibbs. So he doesn’t say goodbye to McGee or to Ziva, doesn’t tell Gibbs to shave the moustache off and he doesn’t show up on Gibbs’ doorstep, begging to be fucked, long and hard until all he wants is to stay and do it all over again.

He calls the movers and has them pack up his things in boxes, puts them in storage until he’s found an apartment in Spain. He plans a long weekend with his frat brothers and he takes Abby out for dinner one evening, hugs her close and tells her he’s leaving. She’s happy for him at first and then cries and gets angry when she hears it’s in Spain, but in the end, she wishes him luck and makes him promise to call and write her.

***

On the way to the airport, Tony listens to his voice mail. He’d turned it off during the weekend, too busy drinking with his frat brothers and fucking the memory of Gibbs away until all that’s left is a faint burning at the back of his throat every time he thinks back.

Ziva’s message is short and to the point and filled with promises of pain and certain death if he doesn’t call her back to explain. McGee sounds insecure and his stutter is back full-force. Mollvaney from dispatch wishes him good luck with the new job. There’s no message from Gibbs.

Tony turns the mobile phone off again and stuffs it into his bag.

They’ll get over it; they’ll miss him for a while, but they don’t need him – maybe they never did – and that still hurts a bit, but it’s good, too. They’ll forget about him in a little while and he’ll move on.

Tony presses down on the gas and thinks that in Spain, it’s always warmer.


End file.
